Hey man sorry I got all grabby
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
