did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's official drugs can't kill me
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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