You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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