You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
