The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
