Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
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Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
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You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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