i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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