Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
