so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
