Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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