I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
