I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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