I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
