Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
