If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
