No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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