its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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