ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
