It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm just crazy horny about you
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
