We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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