Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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