I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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