if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
