I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
