she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
