just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
