I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
