the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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