i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
