Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
