I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
