Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
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