you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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