Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
