Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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