I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
