if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
