The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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