My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
