Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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