I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
