I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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