How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
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He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
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Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize