i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
