Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
