I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
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