Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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