3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
