Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
