I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
