After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
don't judge my taste in strippers
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
