I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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