You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
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Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
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at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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