Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
