went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
