I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
