So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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