there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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