dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
