you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
