He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
