I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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