I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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