haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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