just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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