Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
