last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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