And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
