The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
