I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I think I just sharted jello shots
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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