id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize