dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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