I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
