I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
