Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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