i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
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You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
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When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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