Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
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I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
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You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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