Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Your face is a jimmy john
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He felt like a one man threesome
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
