If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
