Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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