I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I am mentally ready for anal.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize