I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
