It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
