the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
