Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
40s are totally the cure
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
