he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The police scanner is talking about you again....
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
