I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she peed on how many people?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
